Ophelia (my_ophelia) wrote in uw,

I wrote this, and realized, some of you in uw might know Jeff. He died April 29th last year. Sorry if it's a bother, I felt the need to share. Share as well.

I don't think Jeff is really dead. Let me explain. My mind has a hard time separating my 5 senses, and my cognitive. As I wander lonely through UW and the places we went together, I don't believe he's gone. Those places are still there when I return. The only time I was there, the only memories I have of those places come from being with Jeff. If I can return to see those places, if I can return and walk on the solid ground near Hagget, take a trip to McCarty and Ian's Domain, if all those places are still of this world, He must also be of this world. My mind cannot separate those two things. It's like listening to Mozart when you study Trig. Your mind associates the two, and when you hear Mozart again on your headphones during the test, it all comes rushing back. Last night, we were stuck in traffic for more than an hour on Fremont, waiting to get home after fireworks at Gasworks. We got stuck at each block for 20 minutes, and I had plenty of time to imaging the first time I set foot on that sidewalk, or that bus stop. I remembered getting lost on the way back from Seattle Center. We were tying to find the right bus, but couldn't tell what time it came by. Neither Jeff nor me wore a watch. I usually did, but he convinced me to stop wearing it. He said time didn't matter when we were together. We had all the time in the world. But we didn't. We tried to get the time from a parked cars dashboard. That backfired when some passers by thought we were trying to break in. We finally made it back, and had ice cream on the Ave. After it got dark, we went to watch the stars. Writing this now seems like a dream, like it never happened. Some of the foreshadowing...I never would have imagined would make so much sense, or have so much meaning. We lay on the grass (well, we had that weeks Stranger to sit on) near the observatory by the Burke Museum. He explained to me how Astrology was all a big fake. He was going to explain it to me, but I told him some other time. Besides, we had all the time in the world. I sometimes think it would be easiest if I never returned to Red Square or By George without him. I reconsider, and decide that it's best I hold on to the delusion of Jeff's existence.

If you care to read more....
Something I wrote a while ago.
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